Don't Pop Those Bottles Just Yet

Croatia: Daria Kinzer - Celebrate

I’m usually pretty excited every time I realize that were not in for yet another ballad, but this supposedly festive number does not live up to its promising title. This was one of those songs I really dreaded having to listen to again, this is perhaps the longest three minutes of this year’s ESC. When it gets to the chorus you’re expecting it to take off – but it doesn’t, it just stagnates and you feel so frustrate. Celebrate – or “sallebrate” as Daria Kinzer sings, is one of those songs that just has absolutely nothing to it – it’s not horribly bad, which is entertaining to watch, nor is it in any way good – it’s just painfully below average - the worst category of them all.

Daria is originally from Germany, her father is Croatian and after she won the Croatian national selections she decided to pack her bags and move to the fatherland. Probably a good idea – as Daria will have to leave Germany in shame after having made us suffer through this terrible song. Having a German participant will obviously be a plus for Croatia in Düsseldorf as she can charm the locals and the press, but of course this is not going to be enough to make any kind off impression on the European audience.

Much of the problem with this song though is the singer. Daria looks too mature and the song feels old, this number would have been a lot better with a younger and cooler singer. She’s not awful, she just doesn’t fit this song all. There is a ballad version of “Celebrate” – which is so much better than the party version – and it’s shame she’s not competing with that one. What’s cool about Daria is that she sort of looks like Celine Dion, and the song could very well have been one of miss Dions mediocre pop numbers – if only Daria had Celines voice this would have been something to look forward to.

Back in Business

The United Kingdom: Blue - I Can

If you thought the era of boybands was over you better guess again. After having finished dead¨ last in Oslo, the UK has finally decided to bring out some of their good stuff and really start to take this contest seriously again. This time they’re shipping Blue off to defend their honor as this old ESC giant has some serious image re-building to do. Ok so it’s an old boyband that everybody had forgotten about, but Blue still remembers what to do on stage and it’s obviously still working for them. The concept is the same, they dance around in that classic boyband way with fists in the air and square formations - I had forgotten that bands used to do that. Also they haven’t aged at all, so you can just dust of that old poster in the attic and put it back on your wall because Blue is back in business and ready for world domination once more

“I Can” is a typical boyband song that you’ve heard a million times before, but it’s been a while since these kinds of songs were on the radio 24-7 so it’s not a big problem. It’s not Blue at their very best, they had that version of “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word” with Elton John back in the days, and had they managed to get him to tag along to Düsseldorf they would probably have been unbeatable. But with or without Elton, this is one of the numbers that should place in the top ten and maybe even fight in the very top for the victory.

This is by far one of the most professional acts in this year’s ESC, which will give the UK a big advantage as many of the contestants cracks on stage due to lack of experience. And it’s always a thrill to see an artist you already know perform in the ESC. Perhaps if Blue does well, which I believe they will, it could lead to even bigger stars from the UK in the ESC. Who wouldn’t like to see Lily Allen or Coldplay represent the UK? Alright so nobody’s going to bet on that, but they did get Andrew Lloyd Weber two years ago and now Blue – so this is all very promising from the UK.

A Comerade Cliché

Russia: Alexej Vorobjov - Get You



Alexej Vorobjov is not just a star in Russia – he’s a SUPERstar who’s already acted in 14 movies, written 11 soundtracks, won the Russian X-Factor and their version of Dancing With the Star – where he not only danced but also ice-skated! These are only a few his merits and it’s fair to assume that we can expect something spectacular from this Russian prodigy. But ah, the disappointment. I know that Eastern-Europe is a little behind in their advancement, which is not strange after having been behind that iron curtain for so long. However, that is no excuse for coming up with an 80’s dance song. Is this really the cream of the crop over there? I’m worried.

This cliché of a pop-song is about as interesting as watching paint dry, and Vorobjov is using cheap tricks such as kissing a girl in the audience in order to charm the viewers (If you don’t have the patience to watch the whole video - just fast forward to 1:18 for the romantic scene). Come one, even the girl looks annoyed. I hope we will be spared of this grossness in Düsseldorf, but I’m sure it will be even more disgusting there. Ok so he’s got a couple of moves, he can sing a little bit and I guess some boys and girls could find him attractive. But from a country that gave us Dostoyevsky and Tchaikovsky, I really don’t understand how they can label this guy a prodigy as well. I’m almost tempted to say close the curtain again, I can’t watch this.

Russia is one of those contesters you can never write off, no matter how pathetic their song is. They have a lot of scared neighbors and former comrades who’s got no choice but to vote for their old masters out of fear of for instance having their gas cut off. So Russia’s got nothing to worry about, this will most likely end up in the big finale and finish somewhere on the middle of the list – totally undeserved of course.

Baku next?

Azerbaijan: Ell & Nikki - Running Scared

Ever since Azerbaijan joined the ESC 4 years ago, they have always managed to come up with good songs that are both contemporary and MTV-ready, which frankly has been a pleasant surprise (at least for me). Who knew that Azerbaijan was such a cool and happening country? Many people were opposed to Azerbaijan joining, as it’s not really Europe (but neither is Georgia, Armenia or Israel), and too many it was just another brick in the new Eastern-European wall. But Azerbaijan has really been a breath of fresh air in the ESC, and it’s a delight to see that some nations are still taking this contest seriously and sending some of the best the country has to offer.

“Running Scared” sounds quite similar to their entry last year (“Drip Drop”), but that’s mostly because it was written by the same people. It follows the same basic recipe without sounding completely like a copy of lasts years – which I must say is very clever – this probably saved them a lot of time and money. Ok so it’s bit lazy, but whatever everybody’s doing that nowadays so it’s completely legit. Sweden has been coming up with a different version of “Waterloo” pretty much every year since 75’, so that’s nothing new.

Copycat or not, Azerbaijan is a dangerous contestant this year. Nikki and Ell have it all: looks, talent, chemistry and stage presence. And also, Ell (that’s the guy by the way) speaks fluent German – which will for sure be a big hit in Düsseldorf. He will definitely charm all the teenage girls over there, while Nikki will bedazzle the male crowd. I can’t see how this could finish outside the top 5, and maybe even win? I wouldn’t mind that at all, since I’m sure the Azerbaijanis would put one spectacular show.

No-way Norway

Norway: Stella Mwangi - Haba Haba

You thought everybody in Norway are blonde and blue eyed? Oh guess again, there are some of those imported hot numbers in cold Norway too. Stella Mwangi has been called the Norwegian Shakira, and Haba Haba is supposed to be the Waka Waka of the ESC. It’s the first time ever that a West-African language will be heard on the ESC stage (in case you care), and although the whole looks as un-Norwegian as it could be, last year’s host nation has really embraced this song and Stella is as Norwegian as anybody else. I feel like I should be somewhat patriotic and biased now and just praise this song regardless, but I just can’t bring myself to do that. The bookmakers place it in the top 10, but unfortunately I don’t see that happening – I think Norway should be satisfied if they manage to qualify for the finale.

Sure, it’s faster and livelier than most of the other songs in this year’s competition, she looks great and she really seems to be enjoying herself on stage, and those are all factors that can make or break an ESC performance. But still, the song doesn’t really feel all that special or interesting, and her voice is not particularly good. The whole thing seems a little too politically correct for my taste, a typical choice from Norway as they’re always trying to show off as a multi-cultured society when in fact they’re far from it.

No way Norway – you’re not winning this year, but I guess nobody was dying to go back to freezing cold Oslo next year anyways. I mean - Norway won just two years ago, and the local ESC committee over there probably feels no need to put on such a big show anytime in the nearest future. But if anyone could afford it, it’s Norway – so don’t give us that excuse. I think Norway ought to stick to what they do best – sad songs, fiddlers and hard rock. This number has “whatever” written all over it.